Monday, December 24, 2012

grape wars

In general, Manish Goyal was known to carry delicious food. So I suppose that is the reason why, when the bell rang for break time and the teacher left the class, a bunch of my classmates decided to lunge for Manish Goyal's lunch box that day. 

They discovered grapes inside. Black and green. 

We had grape wars in class that day. 

What are grape wars?

Grape wars are  when a bunch of 5 and 6 year olds lock all the doors and windows of their classroom and throw grapes from Manish Goyal's lunch box at one another. This goes on for 20 minutes. 

If you are holding a grape, you must throw it at any person standing in your line of vision. If you see a grape flying towards you, you must duck under the nearest table or swat it away with the nearest chair-shield. If a grape lands anywhere near you, you must pick it up and throw it at a fellow classmate immediately. 

If you or someone else by accident runs over a fallen grape, it will be squished and it will be useless in the grape wars.

Participation of all classmates is compulsory. Leaving the classroom during the war is not an option. If someone is caught leaving the room, they will be dragged back by the others and made to fight. Cowardice is for babies. 

The war ends when all the grapes are squished to death.

The war ends when the bell rings. 

The war ends when the teacher walks back into the classroom. 

The war ends when the chief supplier of ammunition and happy war participant, Manish Goyal, begins to cry for the wounded grapes. 

The war ends when the teacher kisses Manish Goyal, asks him to sit with his head down and cry his eyes out until he feels better. 

The war ends when the rest of the class is asked to pick up the squished grapes and give them a befitting farewell inside the dustbin. No bodies will be buried. No bodies will be burnt. All the dead shall only be handpicked and dumped. 

The trauma you suffer is the inability to eat a grape for ever after because the image of its flesh outside its skin, squished on the grey classroom floor, is too violent for your digestion.