Tuesday, February 28, 2012

job ads make me puke

Also, they all look alike.

Multi-tasker. Ability to prioritze. Ability to work under pressure and meet tight deadlines. Flexible. Energetic. Willing to work on weekends. Passionate. Young. Master's degree.

Also, all offices are alike.

Energetic work environment. Innovative solutions. Platforms. Business development. Outreach. Networking with partner organisations.

Also, all colleagues are alike.

Sweet. Nice. Outgoing. Bitchy. Competitive as hell.

Also, all job ads are alike.

Because job ads make me puke.

Also, all job ads are alike.

Because job ads make me puke.


Also, all job ads are alike.

Because job ads make me puke.





AND ALL PUKE IS ALIKE - BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE A JOB AD.



Monday, February 27, 2012

Padma Curry

I have the pleasure of knowing an individual named Padma Curry. Yes, that is her REAL name. No, I do not lie about people's names on this blog.

Now I will tell you more about Padma Curry:

1. She hates curries
2. She never worries
3. She may have bought a few durries
4. Hari Om Hari.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I am too poor to afford my dreams

And I am not smart enough to be considered meritorious.

So basically, that leaves me to work hard at jobs I hate and look out for good health insurance plans.




Sunday, February 19, 2012

top 3 conversation killers of all time *

#3. lol
#2. k
#1. LOLZZZ.
(because what the fack is LOLZZZ???? It denotes falling asleep after a joke.  So not cool).

*All time means gmail or text messages. As based on an inclusive and large sample size in the top 2 metropolitan cities. Duh.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

networking with the dead

A few months ago, while cleaning up my grandmother's bed    I found her visiting card. What can I say to tell you how I felt? Just use your imagination, okay?  

A little after that, my workplace issued me my visiting cards.  I hated my old office so much I never bothered to collect my  visiting card. So the ones that I have this time around are officially my first visiting cards. I know my grandmother would have been crazily ecstatic if  I had shared them with her. Just like I was when I discovered her visiting card.

So we exchanged cards. I placed my visiting card next to her photograph. I carry her's around in my wallet. 
I think the world underestimates the relationship between grandmothers and granddaughters. 

Thursday, February 16, 2012

ladies special

My colleague Abir (yes, he's brave enough to have his real name on this blog ) is disgusted with the ladies compartment in the Delhi metro. BECAUSE IT CONCENTRATES ALL THE GOOD SMELLS AT ONE END OF THE METRO!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE WHOLE OF THE REST OF THE TRAIN STINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if that wasn't bad enough, it is very hard for men to try and escape the bad smell of their own anatomy. Young Abir saw some men getting beaten on the train for trying to get close to the fabulous scent of womanhood by standing at the thin fine line between the ladies compartment and the rest of the train. This was a very scary sight, so he went home and watched some educational youtube videos of men getting beaten up for entering the ladies compartment. This was an intensive study of several youtube videos, undertaken to determine the safest distance at which one can stand from the ladies compartment and still smell the coffee... er.. lillys. It's Serious! DON'T BE SILLY.

Because this is not a fairy tale, it's a true story.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

twitter realisations

Fans and Avid Readers!!!!!!!!
 
Fact: Twitter makes you realise just how damn often the human brain is capable of coming up with thoughts not exceeding 140 characters.

Ok,enough gyaan. Bye!

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

3 in 1 superpack edition

1. "It's so amazing how 50% of a species consistently disappoints. I don't know how they achieve this."
-- My Green Tea Friend, describing men

2. "Twitter? Who does that? As if facebook wasn't enough."
-- Anand, on being informed of my twitter account

3. "If everyone starts writing "ok" as "k" how will we understand each other?"
-- My mother, earnestly trying to learn to use sms


Sunday, February 05, 2012

the crap test

To find out how much crap exists in other people's brains, go read Twitter.

To find out how much crap your own mind is capable of, get yourself a Twitter account.

To find out how much crap your body produces, stop reading this and go take a crap. 

Saturday, February 04, 2012

moral ineptitude

The doctor told us to start shopping for kidneys. Obviously, we need not buy one if we can get one for free.

Is it alright to feel crazy fear and supreme reluctance at the thought of parting with mine?

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

suspense thriller

I have a tendency to fly myself to secret locations without informing anyone at home. I have learnt that every mysterious disappearance can be explained away if you are prepared to become a master of your conscience rather than have your conscience master you. However, the world's craziest mindgame to play with yourself is thinking about the various possible explanations that may be given to your parents in case the plane crashes and you survive.