Tuesday, December 20, 2011

"I can't shave off my goatee. I have a weak chin." 

-- A colleague

Saturday, December 17, 2011

YUS! READY!

Remember my boss's secretary ? The man who always greets everyone with a loud "YES!"? Actually, after writing about him yesterday, I suddenly remembered that there are variations of his type in this world.

I have distinct memories of our school photographer. Every year, on the day of class picture, just before he used to take the photograph, he used to unfailingly yell out "YUS! READY!"

Because he said "YUS!" and not "YES!" we can hereby conclude that the school photographer and my boss's secretary are distant cousins. If the photographer had said "YES!" then I would have told you all that he and my boss's secretary are brothers. And, as my friend LMT has observed, the 2 of them would have had the fantastic opportunity of being Obama's brothers. 

Friday, December 16, 2011

YES!

I will now tell you all a true story from my life. It is about an individual whom I have the pleasure of knowing.  

My boss's secretary, whenever he walks into any room, greets everyone in it with a loud "YES!".

Facts-

1. It is a single "YES!" and it is meant universally for everyone in the room, whoever they may be (including my boss).
2. Till date, he has never said "Good morning" or "Hi" or "Hello". Just "YES!"

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

bearded wisdom

"What's wrong with my beard? Even Brad Pitt has a beard. Or give me a jhola and put me in JNU."


-- My father, on his unshaven look 

Sunday, December 11, 2011

facebook implants

(... because silicone is so last decade)

Types of implants you can give your personality by using these simple facebook friendly tricks:

For girls- The HotPartyChick implant : Wear a strappy dress, make 2 other friends wear strappy dresses, go to THA CLUB, all 3 of you pose with your drinks in a Destiny's Child Forever or Power Puff girls manner. You choose. And make this picture your profile picture.

For boys- The HottestDudeEver implant : Go to THA CLUB, stand next to 3 girls in strappy dresses who are posing with their drinks in Destiny's Child / Power Puff Girls style; make sure you are part of the photograph. And make this picture your profile picture.

For those looking to Change The World- The CoolAdventurousGoodKindExpat implant :  Go visit a Third World Country, take a photograph with NREGA workers / starving African kids. And make this picture your profile picture.

For anyone- The RichAndFamous implant : Go to a First World foreign country, stand next to its most famous tourist destination and take a photograph. And make this picture your profile picture.

For ugly adults- The AwwwCuteness implant : Find a photograph from your baby / toddler days and scan it. And make this picture your profile picture. 

For non-famous people- The AlmostFamous implant : Go to an event attended by a celebrity. Take a photograph of you and the celebrity. And make this picture your profile picture. 

For all couples everywhere- The SiameseTwin implant : Take a photograph of the two of you anywhere, at any time. And both of you make this very picture your profile picture.

-------

Advice for all- That's all folks. (But if you're still looking for more go here) Did you really think this list would go on forever? Nothing is forever. Go get yourself an implant. Facebook saves everything and never deletes anything.  Forget silicone. Why focus on individual body parts when you can get a personality implant?


Saturday, December 10, 2011

fame and popularity

"Anti-oxidants. No one had heard of them until we were 15 and now suddenly everyone seems to be needing them."

-- A friend, on the rising popularity of anti-oxidants.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

sundu kala Peter

Long time ago, (in Bethlehem) - 1990s, in the era of Doordarshan televsion (DD) they used to telecast this German TV show for kids. It was called PETER AND HIS TOYBOX. It was about a really old man called Peter who used to visit factories and show kids how stuff was made. My favourite episodes were the ones where he went to the rubber factory where they made chewing gum and the factory where they made guitars. The show was produced by Transtel in German but DD ran it with an English voiceover.  It was the coolest thing EVER. Going crazy trying to find it now on youtube but it appears to have gone into oblivion. The only other people in the world who appear to understand what I'm talking about can be found here

Right at the beginning, when they used to introduce the show, these words (presumably from the original) were audible under the voiceover - "SUNDU KALA PETER"

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

mixed fruit jam

Some days (like today) - I wonder if I may be clinically depressed. Then I wonder how to cure it. And then I wonder if I have the time to be depressed. Or the time to cure it.

Monday, December 05, 2011

fresh new ideas to change the country

"We should give MPs those white Anna-Nehru caps and add those wildly blinking red lights on top. Like they have on VIP cars."

-- My father

Saturday, December 03, 2011

maroon 5

Fans and Avid Readers!!!!!!!!!

Actually, I just really want to tell you all that I am incapable of wearing anything maroon. This is because in school they made us wear maroon sweaters and maroon sweatshirts as part of the uniform. I have spent 12 winters of my life wearing maroon clothes.

And that's all I really wanted to say.

Thank you all for your sustained interest.

Obviously,  this post has nothing to do with Maroon 5, that band. I have just given this post the title because I am attention seeking and desire to be famous on google search.

Friday, December 02, 2011

how to figure out if you are truly married (in 3 simple steps)

1. Both of you forget your wedding anniversary

2. Your children remind you both that it is your anniversary

3. Upon being reminded, you both look at each other and say "Oh we forgot. Maybe we are truly married now." (But you still abstain from wishing each other).