Wednesday, October 20, 2010

how to have an active facebook social life

Fans and avid readers!!!!!

It is time I shared with you the top 5 ways to achieve success in facebooking. These are my observations of some of the most successful users of our times. REAL TIPS!!! REAL SUCCESS!!! READ NOW!!!!

1. Whenever someone posts a close-up shot of themselves as a profile picture ALWAYS comment and say ''So pretty!" "You look so handsome!" "You're hot" (or, more appropriately, just plain old "hawt!!!!")

2. Whenever someone posts a couple photo, invariably, comment "awwwwwwww" / "so cute" / "i love this pic"

3. If someone announces that they are married or engaged, you must immediately say "Congrats, have a happy life ahead" (This is compulsory, even if you barely know them and don't particularly care about their happiness. Infact, ESPECIALLY if you barely know them and do not particularly care about their happiness)

4. Post numerous photos yourself. When in doubt, always take close-up shots of the food you are eating / about to eat.

5. ALWAYS wish others on their birthday. (They might not have invited you to their party but ofcourse, you just HAVE wish them)


Alright!!!! You know what do do!!!! But ofcourse, you ask, what are the fruits of religiously following these steps?

Well the result, dear fans and avid readers is that you will get atleast 20-100 notifications for every picture you comment on, making you feel instantaneously and deliriously popular. An added benefit about wishing random people on their birthdays/engagements/marriages are that they will say '' Hi long time, how are you? What are you up to?" And then you can say, "I am in Switzerland / Russia / Japan these days." (The trhill of this is unbeaten. Promise)  


Ghanshyam Nair said...

Why does no one call me pretty/handsome/hot/hawt when I post pictures on Facebook?

oof ya! said...

ghanshyam - i would say that is because perhaps you are not firends with any successful / talented facebook users?

nidhi said...

ok so i am guilty on a few of these counts. or maybe all. ouch. :D but c'mon, you've not mentioned the biggest thrill of all. getting so many frandship requests as testimony that the world has noticed you. or at least, the losers of your kind have. sigh. facebook is a trying world, sve, you fickle-minded dismissive big-haired eight-pack-ab'ed thing!

oof ya! said...

oh ya, the frandship requests. ofcourse. thanks for reminding me!!! it is indeed a crucial point. The more you follow the steps I have described, the more frandship requests you will be inundated with. The immense thrill of popularity you feel when suddenly about a hundred people want to access the details of your life. Master card.

nidhi said...

oof, you're catching on, ya! new look n all i say! :D

oof ya! said...

thanksman :D

Anand said...

This is a masterpiece :) . I shall try and follows all the tips religiously. :)

Raveena said...

We are the puppets of facebook. Even on blogger, we are the puppets of facebook. I think blogger feels bad.