overheard in my house

My sister: Where are the soccer shin guards?

My mother: Inside the oven.

this crazy silence

When she was younger, my grandmother was a principal of a school. She was strict, and kids used be afraid of her.

Now she has severe memory loss, needs constant supervision when walking, eating or bathing and gets bullied around by her grandchildren.

hospital

My grandmother is in hospital.

So far, this is what the hospital has asked us to provide them with:

1. Cotton wool (they won't supply their own)
2. Disposable gloves (they won't supply their own)
3. Adult diapers (they won't supply their own)
4. A 24 hour attendant (even though the hospital does, apparently, have nurses)

Fans and avid readers, if you want to expand your realm of knowledge, contact me. I shall supply you with the name of this hospital. 

exotica

"I am an exotic person. I prefer summers."

-- A colleague

learnings from a shaadi

1. Wearing a sari is a mathematical procedure
2. Reason #5476 to not get married - standing and smiling and individually thanking 5476 of your parents' friends whom you don't even recognise
3. Tip #334 for the official wedding photographer: In case the event is being recorded there will be a videocamera placed in front of the bride and groom. DO NOT stand in front of this camera when you take pictures. It will result in your bum being recorded for posterity.

in my shoes - a step by step guide to my life

Fans and Avid Readers!

If you were in my shoes, this is what your life would be like:

Step 1 - Only own 2 pairs of footwear:

Part 1 - Floaters
Part 2 - Chappals

Step 2 - Get a job where one of the terms and conditions of employment is that you must NOT come to work wearing floaters or chappals

Step 3 - Panic

Step 4 - Put on your floaters and run to the markets and buy as many formal shoes as possible (in your world this means you buy a grand sum total of 2 (TWO) more pairs. Given the complexity of your human mind, you translate "formal shoes" to mean "jootis" )

Step 5 - Realise that you are simply not talented enough to use the bus and the metro wearing your formal shoes to work.

Step 6 - Panic

Step 7 - Pack your formal shoes (i.e. jootis) in your bag and leave for work in the morning wearing your floaters. You need to leave 6 minutes earlier than you ordinarily would because of 
Step 8 - Reach work early, dash into the toilet, remove your floaters, unpack your formal shoes, wear your formal shoes, pack up the floaters, stuff the packet into your bag.

Step 9 - Because you have no other time in the day to exercise you use your lunch break to go for a healthy walk in the scorching sun. Rush to the toilet, remove the formal shoes, unpack the floaters, wear the floaters, pack the formal shoes, stuff the packet into your bag.

Step 10 - Step 9576343 -  Go for a walk

Step 9576344 - Return to the office building

Step 9576345 - Go to your seat and take your bag to the toilet

Step 9576346 - Remove your floaters, unpack the formal shoes, wear the formal shoes, pack the floaters, stuff the packet into your bag

Step 9576347 - Work is over so now you grab your bag, rush to the toilet, remove your formal shoes, unpack your floaters, wear the floaters, pack the formal shoes, stuff the packet into your bag

Step 9576348 - Elvis has left the building

Step 9576349 - Reach home, remove your floaters, go to the toilet and wash your feet

Step 9576350 - Wear your chappals
 

reader discretion advised

"I have grown one inch in the last three months. Until I was eighteen I hadn't grown at all."

-- Random 22 year old boy who I met at work