overheard in my house

My sister: Where are the soccer shin guards?

My mother: Inside the oven.

this crazy silence

When she was younger, my grandmother was a principal of a school. She was strict, and kids used be afraid of her.

Now she has severe memory loss, needs constant supervision when walking, eating or bathing and gets bullied around by her grandchildren.

hospital

My grandmother is in hospital.

So far, this is what the hospital has asked us to provide them with:

1. Cotton wool (they won't supply their own)
2. Disposable gloves (they won't supply their own)
3. Adult diapers (they won't supply their own)
4. A 24 hour attendant (even though the hospital does, apparently, have nurses)

Fans and avid readers, if you want to expand your realm of knowledge, contact me. I shall supply you with the name of this hospital. 

exotica

"I am an exotic person. I prefer summers."

-- A colleague

learnings from a shaadi

1. Wearing a sari is a mathematical procedure
2. Reason #5476 to not get married - standing and smiling and individually thanking 5476 of your parents' friends whom you don't even recognise
3. Tip #334 for the official wedding photographer: In case the event is being recorded there will be a videocamera placed in front of the bride and groom. DO NOT stand in front of this camera when you take pictures. It will result in your bum being recorded for posterity.