how to have an active facebook social life

Fans and avid readers!!!!!

It is time I shared with you the top 5 ways to achieve success in facebooking. These are my observations of some of the most successful users of our times. REAL TIPS!!! REAL SUCCESS!!! READ NOW!!!!


1. Whenever someone posts a close-up shot of themselves as a profile picture ALWAYS comment and say ''So pretty!" "You look so handsome!" "You're hot" (or, more appropriately, just plain old "hawt!!!!")

2. Whenever someone posts a couple photo, invariably, comment "awwwwwwww" / "so cute" / "i love this pic"

3. If someone announces that they are married or engaged, you must immediately say "Congrats, have a happy life ahead" (This is compulsory, even if you barely know them and don't particularly care about their happiness. Infact, ESPECIALLY if you barely know them and do not particularly care about their happiness)

4. Post numerous photos yourself. When in doubt, always take close-up shots of the food you are eating / about to eat.

5. ALWAYS wish others on their birthday. (They might not have invited you to their party but ofcourse, you just HAVE wish them)






************************************************************


Alright!!!! You know what do do!!!! But ofcourse, you ask, what are the fruits of religiously following these steps?

Well the result, dear fans and avid readers is that you will get atleast 20-100 notifications for every picture you comment on, making you feel instantaneously and deliriously popular. An added benefit about wishing random people on their birthdays/engagements/marriages are that they will say '' Hi long time, how are you? What are you up to?" And then you can say, "I am in Switzerland / Russia / Japan these days." (The trhill of this is unbeaten. Promise)  

"I love Chinese soups. They taste so yummy because they taste so fake."

-- My sister

"Hey! You can chat on gmail! "
-- My mother

"I can't travel by auto. I will feel hot."
-- A blackberry owning friend, to me

schizophrenia

My grandmother is eighty four. She will be eighty five this November. After she retired, she travelled to Europe and North America. Now she can't walk much. She stays at home. Earlier at home, she used to read newspapers, watch cricket, avidly follow soaps on Sun TV and write letters to her friends and relatives. She used to clean the kitchen and cut fruits. She used to keep accounts and order groceries. 

Now she can't remember anything. Her attention span is extremely short. She says she can't read because her eyes hurt with the tiny newspaper print. I bought her a magnifying glass. She was very excited to receive it and she has tucked it away at the back of her cupboard. I tried giving her books with larger print but she says she doesn't want to read. Many times, she has asked me to leave her alone.

She spends her days doing nothing. She sits on her bed and stares into space.

Sometimes she asks me who I am. Sometimes she can't tell the difference between me and my sister. Most of the time, she doesn't know whether it is night or day.

She repeatedly performs certain behaviours. Like flushing the toilet again and again. Like changing her clothes again and again. Like rubbing her hands against the bedsheet again and again. Of late, she has been having hallucinations. She describes people, places and events to us as if they really happened. To her, they are real. To us, they are not.

Sometimes, we indulge her by asking her for more details. Sometimes we are flustered and tell her to stop imagining things. It is very hard to reach out to her. She lives in a different space.

It is very hard to watch someone you love lose their mind.

blogging as it happens

My eighty-four year old GRANDMOTHER is getting a PEDICURE done as I type this :)

know your blogger

Yo soy oof ya! Yo tengo le blog. Mi blog es rojo y negro es muy interesante. Yo soy estudiante de espanol. Mi habitacion esta sucia. La mesa en mi habitacion esta disordenada. Hay muchos libros en mi casa. Tres libros estan de espanol. Yo tengo un bolso negro. Mis libros de espanol estan dentro de mi bolso negro. Hoy mi ordenador esta lento. La nevera en mi cocina es vieja. Yo soy cocinera mala. Mi comida es extrano. Yo estoy triste ahora porque yo tengo cero amigos en mi ciudad.



(I do not have access to a couple of the Spanish symbols which go on top of the alphabets. If you cannot understand, please use google translator. If you do understand please give me feedback on my mistakes. I am practising my Spanish and seeking to improve.)