how to protect your genes on facebook

1. Befriend all your relatives on facebook

2. Relentlessly visit the profiles of all relatives younger and hotter than you
3. Relentlessly visit the profiles of all relatives younger and hotter than you
4. Relentlessly visit the profiles of all relatives younger and hotter than you
5. Relentlessly visit the profiles of all relatives younger and hotter than you
6. Relentlessly visit the profiles of all relatives younger and hotter than you
7. Relentlessly visit the profiles of all relatives younger and hotter than you
8. Relentlessly visit the profiles of all relatives younger and hotter than you
9. Relentlessly visit the profiles of all relatives younger and hotter than you

10. Spot a picture / status message that offends your sensibilities

11. CALL UP THEIR PARENTS RIGHT AWAY

12. Breathe easy

13. You have won the gene pool race :)

something is not right

With a higher education system that
- Makes you pay shit loads for taking a language competence exam
- Is therefore automatically inaccessible to many
- Requires you to suck up to your teachers and get recommendation letters
- Only lets you in if you have recommendation letters from alumni
- Limits your chances of gaining admission to a course of study that helps you explore a developing interest ---- you need to have been interested in this course right from when you were 18. And never change your interests, ever.
- Gives out scholarships  - but the only people you know who got them were rich kids who didn't need them in the first place
- Is just OOF.
- Ya, it really is. 

poker face

Fans and Avid Readers,

Today I shall discuss a rising concern of our times: FACEBOOK POKES. I have many problems with these, and I have kindly collected all of them in one single blog post for your reading pleasure.
1. When poked on facebook, I don't feel a thing. 
2. Facebook now tweets you on every single poke rather than quietly collecting them all responsibly in one corner.  I PREFER MY POKING PAPER WORK TO PILE UP, I HATE HAVING TO ATTEND TO IT ON AN IMMEDIATE BASIS AS THIS INCREASES MY POKING PAPERWORK.
3. I poke you you poke me I poke you you poke me I poke you you poke me ipokeyouyoupokemeipokeyouyoupokemeipokeyouyoupokemeipokeyouyoupokeme etc

a lesson in evolution

FRAANDSHIP: 

You and I are friends. We meet for dinner. Maybe it means something else. The end. 

FRIENDITITS:

You and I are friends.
We meet for dinner.
I carry my camera in my bag.
We take photographs of the food.
We take photographs of each other.
We smile.
We take photographs of the drinks.
We kiss.
We take photographs of the kiss.
We put the pictures up on facebook.
I comment on the pictures.
You comment on the pictures.
My friends comment on the pictures.
Your friends comment on the pictures.
I get 52 facebook notifications.
You get 52 facebook notifications.
Each of my friends get 52 facebook notifications
Each of your friends gets 52 facebook notifications.
I blog about it.
I put up a link on facebook. 

You read my blog.
You send the link to all your friends.
They read my blog.
Their friends read my blog.
Some strangers read my blog.
I meet a stranger at a party.
The stranger tells me she knows who I kissed last summer.
I smile.
We take a picture.
I blog about it.
You read about it.
You realise that I have discovered a new disease.

You warn your friends.

We organise a facebook event.
We take photographs of each other at the facebook event.
We pray to our our cameras to fight this menace.
We build a temple for our cameras.

We take photographs of the temple.
We put up the pictures on facebook.
We make a facebook page.
9,876,543,320 people like us.

(Maybe the end is finally here.)

But what if we meet again for dinner and take another photograph and put it up on facebook?

documentitis

Please enclose the following with your application form:

• 3 Passport size photos 
• Statement of intent  
• CV 
• Copies of high school transcripts 
• Copies of University transcripts 
• Attested copies of certificates for extra-curricular activities / awards won 
• Certified copy of passport 
• Proof of residence (phone bill / electricity bill/ voter ID card) 
• Certified copy of PAN card 
• Proof of income (latest income tax return statement)
• Verified copy of TOEFL / IELTS / GRE / GMAT scores 
• Employment certificates stating last salary drawn 
• Medical certificate 
• Three letters of reference 
• Certified copy of PAN card of each referee 
• 3 passport size photos of guardian 
• Proof of residence of guardian (phone bill / electricity bill / voter ID card) 
• Certified copy of PAN card of guardian 
• Income statement of guardian 
• Certified copy of passport of guardian 
• Certified copy of birth certificates of nieghbours (no less than 5 individuals) 
• Certified copies of PAN cards of cousins (Applicants who include copies of PAN cards of 7th and 8th cousins will be preferred) 
• Birth certificate of any pets (dogs / cats / mice etc) 
• 3 passport size photos of each pet

Applicants MUST attach all the above mentioned along with the application form. All items must be arranged in the order specified. Failure to furnish even one of the above items will render the application incomplete and you will be immediately disqualified from the selection process. Please do not forget to make 3 photostat copies of your application form (along with each of the above mentioned enclosures) and attach it with your main application.

facebook hangover anxiety disorder

When you realise that facebook is the single-most distracting website in the cleavage of the internet but you are afraid to de-activate your account because you don't know what you will do if you can't spy on your two hundred and fifty four close friends.