the boomerang blog

" Stop writing whatever you feel like on your blog. This is India. It will boomerang on you."
-- My mother, to me

"What? What does she mean 'boomerang'? Your blog has no content."
-- My friend, The Stud.

fear

These days, when I am up working late at night, sometimes, I hear my mother screaming in her sleep.

sounds

Power. Money. Fame. Family holidays. Friendships.
 
Noise. Ambulance. ICU. Crisis. Debt. Illness.

Dependence. Empty house. TV noise. Long days. Guilt. Loneliness.
 
Memories.
 
Silence. 

what they do at credit card companies

First, they assess whether or not you may be given a credit card. 

Do you have a job? 

Do you have a house? 

Do you live with your parents?

Are you married?

Are you single?

Have you ever gone shopping? 

Have you ever spent your money?

Do you have the potential to spend your money?

Do you live in a world where you have to spend your money?
 
If any or all or some of this applies to you YOU ARE WINNING THE CREDIT CARD GAME!!!!! YOU CAN BE SAFELY GIVEN A CREDIT CARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

P.S. Are you in debt? It's ok. Plastic costs nothing. 

how to care for your bag and your backside

Place your bag on the floor of the metro.

Congratulations, your bag is now dirty. 

Step off the metro, climb into a cycle rickshaw. 

The cycle rickshaw has a narrow seat. Either your bum or your bag can fit on the seat. 

Your bag is not allowed to touch your lap because your bag is dirty. 

Offer the cycle rickshaw seat to your bag because that is the polite thing to do. 

Your bum can no longer sit on the seat because the bag has touched the seat. 

Your bum is clean. 

Remember not to shit because that will dirty your bum. 
 


 

Today, I met Anand for coffee.
 
He pulled out a blue ink fountain pen from his pocket and used it to colour over the alphabets on the sugar packets.

I tried to be interesting. I said, "You are spending all your time colouring the alphabets on the sugar packets instead of paying attention to me."

He said, "I am an artist."

How to hide your Russian boyfriend from your Punjabi grandmother

Tried and tested by my friend. Shared by me for the benefit of all of you. Because I am generous like that, and also because you all have Russian boyfriends. 

1. Invite your Russian boyfriend to stay with your family for the holidays

2. Tell your grandmother that all your friends are hosting foreign students for the holidays

3. Take your Russian boyfriend for a short trip to a touristy destination, like Jaisalmer, just the 2 of you

4. Look around for white tourists posing for photographs. At any given time, one of you should unobtrusively wriggle into the frame and pose while the other person unobtrusively takes a photo of the group. Repeat as often as possible. 

5. If you are burdened with obtrusive personalities then the above step does not apply for you. Instead, make sure one of you inserts yourself right into the centre of any space that is crowded with foreign tourists and make the other person quickly take many photos in succession. If you are lucky, some of the people in your vicinity shall be facing the same direction as you at any given point. 

6. Show these pictures to your grandmother. PROOF!

7. Russian boyfriend? There is no such thing.