metro manners

 " They are used to running in one direction, so they run in the opposite direction as well."

-- My forward thinking friend, on why people cannot stop running while changing trains at Central Secretariat metro station


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Do you use the Delhi Metro?

Do you go to Central Secretariat metro station? 

Do you ever change from the yellow line to the purple** line or the purple line to the yellow line at Central Secretariat metro station?

Are you one of the people who rushes out of the train from one line and KEEPS ON RUNNING until you reach the next line? (Don't lie. You are. Everyone who switches between the yellow and purple lines at Central Secretariat metro station is one of these people. If you are NOT you are either a blatant liar or a foreign tourist or me.) 

The purple line begins at Central Secretariat. So passengers who get off from the yellow line like to run towards the purple line because they think that if they reach faster they will get into the train faster and find a place to sit.

Central Secretariat is a station somewhere in the middle of the yellow line. So if you get onto the yellow line at Central Secretariat, you almost never get a place to sit. But it is a fact that users of the purple line also run towards the yellow line, even though they will not get a place to sit. Fans and Avid Readers, you are hereby informed that thanks to my forward thinking friend, we now have a scientific explanation for this bizzare behaviour. Obviously, if you are used to running in one direction, you will run in the opposite direction as well.

 


 

falling fred

Yesterday, my friend The Sleepwalker traumatised me for 26 minutes by showing me this video game called Falling Fred. 

 Here, I found a picture of Fred for you: 

Fred is falling through an endless unidentifiable location. Your aim is to make sure he KEEPS ON FALLING. Yes! If you stop him from falling, YOU LOSE! 

Interestingly, you can let parts of Fred be chopped off by random computer-generated objects while he is falling. All you have to do is make sure he hits a random computer generated object. When this happens, a part of his body gets chopped off . BUT if his head gets chopped off, YOU LOSE! 

You dont't ever win this game. You can have the illusion of winning as long as Fred keeps on falling. 

But wait! It gets better. Apparently, there is a newer version of this game and it is called... SUPER FALLING FRED!!!! In this, the graphics are better, Fred falls faster and there are even more vicious random computer generate objects.

Fred is falling. Let him fall. Fred is super falling. Let him super fall. Fred has a head. Yay!!! Fred lost his head. OH NO! Fred has a super head. Super Yay!!!! Fred lost his super head. SUPER OH NO!

death and dialysis

Peritoneal dialysis is generally done 3-4 times a day. If the doctor has advised you to undergo peritoneal dialysis, and you are up for learning it, you can be trained to do it for yourself. Some patients take an interest in learning. Others don't. 

For those who don't learn, their family members/housemates are taught how to administer the dextrose solution.  Since this is a procedure that needs to be done 3-4 times a day, and takes anywhere between 30 minutes - one hour, it is not always possible to have someone at home to do it for the patient who is unable to do it for himself/herself. If you are fortunate, you may be able to afford to pay a dialysis technician to visit your house daily.  

The dialysis technician who visits our house is a young man in his 20s. He leaves his house at 7 in the morning and returns at 10 at night. Some of his patients need him to visit their homes only once a day. Others need him to visit them more than once. It's a lonely life. Wake up. Get onto the bike. Drive to a patient's house. Do dialysis. Get back onto the bike. Ride to the next patient's house. Repeat. Clockwork. Lateness can prove harmful for the patient. Missing sessions can even be fatal. There are no holidays. 7 AM till 10 PM. Every single day.

Peritoneal dialysis needs patience. Peritoneal dialysis requires you to, as far as possible, refrain from touching things other than the patient's transfer set and the dextrose bag. Patients who do dialysis for themselves sometimes choose to read a book or watch TV while they wait. But the professional code for technicians dictates that they must keep their hands completely free and unoccupied throughout the entire procedure.  So our dialysis technician talks. He talks to his patients while they wait. His patients are his friends. 

In the year that we've known him, 2 of his patients have died. Death is natural. Nothing lasts forever, especially not life lived on failed kidneys. 

I wonder what it must be like, to be young, to be in your 20s, to be saving lives and cultivating close friendships that you know are going to end - and knowing that the schedule you live is such that these friends you meet are your only friends.

  

grape wars

In general, Manish Goyal was known to carry delicious food. So I suppose that is the reason why, when the bell rang for break time and the teacher left the class, a bunch of my classmates decided to lunge for Manish Goyal's lunch box that day. 

They discovered grapes inside. Black and green. 

We had grape wars in class that day. 

What are grape wars?

Grape wars are  when a bunch of 5 and 6 year olds lock all the doors and windows of their classroom and throw grapes from Manish Goyal's lunch box at one another. This goes on for 20 minutes. 

If you are holding a grape, you must throw it at any person standing in your line of vision. If you see a grape flying towards you, you must duck under the nearest table or swat it away with the nearest chair-shield. If a grape lands anywhere near you, you must pick it up and throw it at a fellow classmate immediately. 

If you or someone else by accident runs over a fallen grape, it will be squished and it will be useless in the grape wars.

Participation of all classmates is compulsory. Leaving the classroom during the war is not an option. If someone is caught leaving the room, they will be dragged back by the others and made to fight. Cowardice is for babies. 

The war ends when all the grapes are squished to death.

The war ends when the bell rings. 

The war ends when the teacher walks back into the classroom. 

The war ends when the chief supplier of ammunition and happy war participant, Manish Goyal, begins to cry for the wounded grapes. 

The war ends when the teacher kisses Manish Goyal, asks him to sit with his head down and cry his eyes out until he feels better. 

The war ends when the rest of the class is asked to pick up the squished grapes and give them a befitting farewell inside the dustbin. No bodies will be buried. No bodies will be burnt. All the dead shall only be handpicked and dumped. 

The trauma you suffer is the inability to eat a grape for ever after because the image of its flesh outside its skin, squished on the grey classroom floor, is too violent for your digestion.

the perfect man

Me: Would you be okay never getting married?

Anand: I am considering it.

ears

are by far the most sensual part of the human body.



Happy new EARS to you. 

world cheeseball factory

Anand   went to Papua New Guinea and got me these

A bag of chips so rare that even Google Images was only able to give me HALF of the picture - logo only!!!

I was greatly excited to be in possession of a bag of local MANUFACTURED IN PAPUA NEW GUINEA chips.  I have infact preserved the bag after eating the chips. No, I shall NOT be taking a picture. TAKE THAT, Google Images !!!!! Serves you right. 

Anyhow. Fans and avid readers of this blog are hereby informed that these chips look and taste EXACTLY like these chips:

I am happy to inform you all that I have now uncovered globalisation's sexiest trade secret - COVER ART.