44 years old. Male. Married. Two kids. That's me.
So now I've broken my silence.
Now you know a little more about who I am.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
my grandmother
she died on this date 4 years ago.
we had a pooja today.
i think about her everyday. there have been times when i've had violent spells of missing her. there are all the things she made for me when she was alive which i refuse to throw away. and also this curious habit i developed of refusing to kill mosquitoes and flies. i seemed to have developed it after she died. i understand that she needed to leave.
and then this prayer meeting. we've had one every year on this date to honour her memory. the first year, i was petrified of attending it. i was scared of re-living the memories it may bring back. i was scared of watching everyone cry.
it's rather curious how expressions of bereavement subside over time. this year i felt it was my duty to be there. it wasn't about memories or intense emotions or anything else. made me think a lot. it's more of a ritual now. dry duty. or a blunt pattern. if i was dead, i'd rather my friends/family perform a remebrence service whenever they really, really missed me in the vacuum that death creates. for the feeling of me, not for the sake of keeping a date.
we had a pooja today.
i think about her everyday. there have been times when i've had violent spells of missing her. there are all the things she made for me when she was alive which i refuse to throw away. and also this curious habit i developed of refusing to kill mosquitoes and flies. i seemed to have developed it after she died. i understand that she needed to leave.
and then this prayer meeting. we've had one every year on this date to honour her memory. the first year, i was petrified of attending it. i was scared of re-living the memories it may bring back. i was scared of watching everyone cry.
it's rather curious how expressions of bereavement subside over time. this year i felt it was my duty to be there. it wasn't about memories or intense emotions or anything else. made me think a lot. it's more of a ritual now. dry duty. or a blunt pattern. if i was dead, i'd rather my friends/family perform a remebrence service whenever they really, really missed me in the vacuum that death creates. for the feeling of me, not for the sake of keeping a date.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
women and children
No, really. What IS up with that phrase?
What is the difference between the two?
Are women as vulnerable as children?
Is that it?
Really?
Why?
...and why not "men and children"?
does that make you uncomfortable?
does it sound wrong?
how does it make you feel?
What is the difference between the two?
Are women as vulnerable as children?
Is that it?
Really?
Why?
...and why not "men and children"?
does that make you uncomfortable?
does it sound wrong?
how does it make you feel?
Sunday, July 30, 2006
at the movies
I was at a movie last week.
There was one scene where one of the characters, this really dorky looking guy with a hat, walks into a restaurant and asks the crowd in general "Have any of you read books that have then influenced your lives?"
One man in the crowd raises his hand and says "I read Lolita and ever since then I have been molesting teenage girls."
Everyone in the theatre burst into laughter.
There was a row of five young women sitting together.
There was no laughter from that row.
Silence.
There was one scene where one of the characters, this really dorky looking guy with a hat, walks into a restaurant and asks the crowd in general "Have any of you read books that have then influenced your lives?"
One man in the crowd raises his hand and says "I read Lolita and ever since then I have been molesting teenage girls."
Everyone in the theatre burst into laughter.
There was a row of five young women sitting together.
There was no laughter from that row.
Silence.
Friday, July 28, 2006
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